This is the place where your mindless mind (the ego) holds you captive. Its a long dark tunnel, full of twists and turns, a place you fall into when you experience an event that activates or triggers a myriad of feelings that make you feel shame, worthlessness, hurt, old trauma, anxiety, overwhelm and so on. It is a place that you go to hide or retreat, to give up trying or showing up in the world, a place where your thoughts are captive in a negative cycle that you can't seem to break free from.

I have been down this hole many times, many many times in my life; in fact I probably lived there for a long while, unaware that I was there by choice. Now, I fall, but I am aware I have fallen, and still, being aware, depending on the intensity of the trauma, I have trouble getting back out. The ego feeds on misery and it hypnotizes you to enjoy these feelings and the intoxicating effect of bathing in the glory of pain and suffering.

When I fall, the best thing I can do for myself is allow myself to feel what has come up, acknowledge the pain, because the pain serves as a lesson; a learning of where we are still hurting in our lives. I am a researcher and excavator of my wounds and I will ask myself what the hurt is bringing up for me and what it is attached to. Is it my self-worth? Is it shame? Is it a boundary issue? Is it an old wound or trauma coming up for healing? The next thing I do is to call my coach/healer to help me shift through it, release it and let it go. It is always good to have an objective sounding board and perception-shifting facilitator to guide you back up and out of the hole. Sometimes the emotional overload is just too much to do the mental work on your own for those of you like me who like to document healing and what I am releasing.

If you do not have a coach or guide, the simple act of surrendering it all to a higher power, to the divine intelligence, source, God, or whatever you feel is the power greater than yourself in this magical world. There are so many ways to release and heal! Tosha Silver has some great books on surrender.

I chose the above picture to represent the darkness of the hole in the centre, surrounded by light and a rainbow of colours. Once you are back up and out, the world now looks different. You have moved past what held you down and you see the world with new eyes. Gratitude is the first feeling I usually feel, after relief. Relief to be free once again. I am grateful for the healing, the perception shift, the ability to learn from the contrast of what I do not want vs what I do want in my life and how I want to feel.