November 1, 2o2o
Are you ready to dance? You may have already experienced circumstances that have triggered a wound release, or many wound releases for that matter. They rise up in our consciousness like specters, holding audience with our ego, captivating our hearts in pain.
This year has been a continual dance for me, and the universe ramped up the wound release in August and I have been traversing through these land mines ever since. It has been my lifelong mission since the age of twenty to heal the wounds of my childhood, therefore, I am very grateful for my awareness and all the knowledge I have acquired along the way, but they can hurt like a m-@#$!-r!
And I guess that is how they are meant to operate, through pain. Otherwise we would not acknowledge them. I read a blog post last night and one sentence stood out “Sometimes it is easier for the Universe to get the attention of our ego than our hearts”. It fit with my understanding of the healing ways of the wound.
With every thought I have wanted to write, to share with others to help them through their wounds, an acute awareness shone bright in my mind: that anyone in an active wound themselves could take what I say personally, as if they were the one I was writing about. This is one thing we cannot control: another person’s reaction or perception of our written words ( or any communication or action for that matter). Everyone sees life through their own unique lens, from their own template of beliefs compiled throughout their own life experiences.
This is one of my wounds: being misunderstood. Last night I wrote two pages of things I wanted to release under the light of the full blue moon. I woke up to my mind going through a wound-drama in my head and I realized as I listened to myself, I forgot to release my need to be understood.
We all have a need to be understood, according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, but if the need is unbalanced due to a deep fear of being disliked, judged, ostracized, misunderstood, or any other painful feeling then it is a wound that needs healing.
My need stems from a main core wound, where I think all esteem wounds emerge: lack of self-love. Learning to love myself has been a tumultuous journey. I have had many trials and tribulations that pushed me towards shutting down my heart more often than opening it.
I have finally reached the pinnacle of pain, where I have said “enough, I can’t take anymore!” and my heart has stepped out with courage to speak my truth to an audience, to stop all wounded ego based behaviors that keep me in a cycle of despair and pain.
Why do I have a desire to speak out? Because my greatest desire has always been to help others heal from this same pain, because I know so well how it hurts. One of my favorite quotes said it all and I saw it in a new light when thinking of wounds to heal, rather than it being about courage as I felt it implied when I first read it years ago.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin
I choose to blossom. I choose to release my pain; my wounds and re-open my heart with warmth to the world and live fully alive. I am not there yet, but I am determined to succeed and help others do the same.
(Photo Credit: Pinterest Find, Author not found-yet. )